


Thinking Of You

by JackMcGarrett



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Finale Fix-It Sort of, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt Danny "Danno" Williams, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23628580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackMcGarrett/pseuds/JackMcGarrett
Summary: Steve left. In his wake, Danny struggles and fails, to not falling completely apart. Putting the pieces back together is incredibly hard work...but Danny's a fighter. Though not all of his coping mechanisms are healthy, he regains some stability.And then Steve comes back. Far more broken and in need of help than when he left.What follows is a complicated story of recovery. Steve's quest to find peace had failed miserably. He does find love, but not in Catherine, but in the child he made with her. He doubts his ability to be a good father, which is why despite knowing he doesn't deserve it, he comes to beg Danny for help. The best damn father he knows.But where does all of this leave them?
Relationships: Adam Noshimuri & Danny "Danno" Williams, Danny "Danno" Williams & Grace Williams, Eric "E-Train" Russo & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Tani Rey & Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 20
Kudos: 53





	Thinking Of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RandoFando_Spoonie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandoFando_Spoonie/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Who Says You Can't Go Home?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23602702) by [RandoFando_Spoonie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandoFando_Spoonie/pseuds/RandoFando_Spoonie). 



> So RandoFando911 and I were talking about the series finale about what the 'canon' bullshit would look like realistically. And so we talked and we vented and we shared ideas and well, this is an outlet. Because this is based on mutual ideas and conversations, it'll touch on the same notes, they may even seem very very similar. Which is why this is a gift but I've also linked it as an Inspired Story. 
> 
> Check out their story, it's amazing! It'll make you feel so much! 
> 
> The title for this story is a song by Christian Kane. Listen to it and tell me it's not the perfect song that would describe Danny's feelings about Steve leaving. 
> 
> I'm also just going to put it out there just because, this is McDanno heavy. Will it be all sunshine and rainbows? No. I am starting this without having a clear picture of the end. I just want to tap into mindsets and emotions. 
> 
> I don't want to say I'm going to bash Catherine exactly but...it is not Catherine friendly. So...if this is still something you wanna read, I hope you enjoy~

**_Uncle D:_ ** _Your building allows dogs, right?_

Eric looked at his phone for a moment after the message came in. It was late and he pulled a double shift. No matter how he looked at it, the message confused him. He replied though. 

**_Eric_ ** _: I think so?? Y?_

**_Uncle D:_ ** _I’m outside. W/ Eddie._

Eric was barely out of bed and making his way to the door when there was a knock. He opened it and looked at his uncle weirdly as he entered with Eddie. The younger New Jersey man looked carefully at his uncle and tried to analyze his state. It was no secret to anyone that Commander McGarrett leaving had left quite the impact. Though he doubted many thought about how bad it would actually be. 

His uncle looked horrible! The wounds were healing up, but they were at that weird stage where bruises were a mix of green and hueing into yellow. His hair was getting longer and very much unlike his uncle, it wasn’t very well kept. His clothes were wrinkled as if he tried to sleep in them but couldn’t. He says that because with how present the bags under his uncle’s eyes were, there was no way he’s anywhere near rested. 

“You okay, Uncle D?” Eric asked quietly, despite that the answer was obviously no. 

Danny walks over to Eric’s couch and sits down. He rubs his face with his hands to try and...wipe away the tiredness or sadness? Both? Eric’s not sure. He hasn’t seen his uncle like this in a long time. The last time he looked this bad was when he realized there was nothing he could do to keep Grace with him in Jersey. 

“I can’t stay there anymore.” Danny finally said something. 

It took a moment before Eric realized what the blond meant. His uncle had moved in with the Commander to keep an eye on him after what happened in Mexico. It had basically become his new home. But now…

“You can stay here as long as you need. It ain’t that big, but hey...we know about cramped places, huh? Remember that Christmas when like all the cousins came from all over the tristate area? We were like a can of sardines. By dessert, we smelled like it too.” Eric tried to cheer his uncle up. And he saw a bit of a smile, but it didn’t last long. 

“Thanks, kid.” 

“We’re family, Uncle D. We look out for each other,” Eric told him quietly. He knew that after the Commander left there was a lot of talk of Ohana. Eric knew it was true. Everyone of Five-Oh looked out for each other in ways that he’s never seen outside of his family. And yet...a very important person of that O’hana had hurt his uncle. With the amount of respect that Eric had for the Commander, he felt conflicted for hating the man’s actions. As much as he respected needing distance to find himself after the hell of a year the man’s had...seeing his uncle like this didn’t put Steve in a favoring light. 

His Uncle could have gone to any member of Five-Oh, but he came to Eric. Blood family. He’d taken care of Eric when Eric needed it, and now it was time to do the same. 

“You hungry? I made pasta earlier. Grandma’s Sunday gravy...I’d like to know how badly I screwed it up.” 

That brought out another smile and even a small chuckle from the blond. “She’d be disappointed, but she wouldn’t kill ya.” 

“No? Well, that’s good. Don’t mean she’d ever let me in the kitchen during Christmas.” Eric said as he made his way to the kitchen. 

Danny followed and Eric heard him scoff, “That’s because that’s sacred family recipe time.” 

Eric reheats the food and there are a few wisecracks about the food and Eric’s cooking abilities. Then they sit and eat quietly together. Eric watches as his uncle pokes and nibbles at his food. 

He feels too much like a little kid and he’s not confident enough to talk to his uncle about the real matter at hand like an adult. The blond, however, begins the conversation for him. 

“I’ll only stay here until my contractor and landlord give me the okay to move back to my house,” Danny told him. 

Eric nodded before taking another bite. “That’s cool. No rush from me though.” He eyed his uncle for a moment before he cleared his throat. “What’s gonna happen to the McGarrett house?” 

Danny stilled and Eric thought the remaining late-dinner will be eaten in awkward silence. “I’ll tell Junior he can move back in. Someone’s gotta watch after Eddie.” 

Eric looked back towards the living room where said dog was laying on the couch, then back to his uncle, “You’re not keeping him?” 

“He’s used to living in that house. I can’t uproot him.” 

The wording of that made Eric frown, but he didn’t comment. His uncle was still healing and whatever he felt was valid, physically or emotionally. “Okay. Uh. Why don’t we call it a night? The spare bedroom’s pretty bare but the bed’s just okay.” 

Danny chuckled as he stood. “Want me to do the dishes?” 

“Ma would kill me if I let you do ‘em. Go get some rest.” Eric ‘ordered’. The fact that his uncle didn’t argue was a bit telling how he was holding up. 

* * *

What came next for Danny was healing. That happened in different forms. First, it was moving out of the McGarrett home. Junior tried to tell him he didn’t need to go, that Steve would have wanted him to stay. 

_“If he had he wouldn’t have left!”_ Was the outburst that Junior got in reply. With it was a flash of genuine - _pained_ \- anger. 

It was gone as soon as it came. Danny’s eyes had widened, surprised by the slip. He apologized quietly before storming out as fast as he could. (Rather impressively since he was still in need of the cane’s help.)

“I wish he hadn’t moved out…” Junior tells Tani over breakfast a few days later. 

Tani looked at him with a sad smile. She reached over and covered his hand with hers. “I know.” 

“I just...I don’t understand why he left.” 

“You don’t?” She asked him with a raised eyebrow. 

Junior frowned a bit, “I get that it’s different, almost weird, being in Steve’s house without him but...it’d become Danny’s too.” 

“They made it a home, Joons. Both of them living together, with all the rag-tag randos who popped in from time to time. But it was ultimately Steve’s house. Danny just can’t live there anymore. Now with how heartbroken he is.” 

“We all miss him,” Junior replied. 

Tani loved Junior but sometimes she couldn’t believe how oblivious he was to certain things. “Junior.” She began gently. 

“Yeah?” 

“He’s heartbroken because Steve had a choice. Go...or Danny.”

Junior furrowed his brow. “I...I don’t understand.”

“Oh, Joons.” She sighed heavily but didn’t have the headspace to deal with helping him connect the dots. “They loved each other. Like how _we_ love each other. For a billion reasons they never took the plunge. And then their moment seemingly arrived. Danny loves Steve...too much to be selfish to keep him here when the island caused him so much pain. But he still wished that Steve would have...said something. Done something.”

“...Detective Williams is in love with Commander McGarrett? Oh.” Junio sat back and let the memories replay but now with this new information. “ _Oh_.” 

“Yeah…” Tani said sadly. 

“What do we do?” Junior asked her somewhat helplessly. 

“Be there for him. We can’t bring Steve back now. We can only hope Danny doesn’t follow his example.” 

That made Junior frown. “You don’t think he’ll leave too, do you?” 

Tani shrugged. “Grace is in college. Charlie might be an obstacle but now he’s the one in charge of Five-Oh, even if he’s on medical leave. He could call a few favors maybe?” 

“But what about when Commander McGarrett returns?” Junior asked because he was sure he would. 

“We don’t know when that’ll be. And Danny’s hurting in the meantime.” Tani answered honestly. 

* * *

Once Danny was medically cleared to return to work, he tried to bury himself with work. No one put in as many hours as he did, or completed as much paperwork. When they didn’t have any active cases, Danny tackled cold ones. 

When a case finally did come in, Danny scared the hell out of all of them at how reckless he acted. A lot of the anger and even hated that had built up finally had an outlet. Danny was usually the voice of reason, but the team was reminded that Danny’s control on a regular basis had a lot of truly impressive discipline. If how he decided to go head-on against armed bad ways was anything to go by. 

Different members of the team tried to talk to him, but Danny dismissed them all. It wasn’t until Adam took a shot that Danny acknowledged that his actions weren’t as professional as they should have been. Even for Five-Oh standards, he had pushed it a bit. 

“We’re all worried about you.” 

“I’m fine.” The practiced mantra of everyone who was the opposite. 

“Until you’re not. And then what, Danny? Look. You were there for me when Kono did the same thing. Let me be here for you. Whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

Danny sat there for a moment and contemplated everything for a moment. He’s had far too much time to think lately, but he has thought plenty. “I think I need to take a step back.” 

“What?” Adam asked, shocked and concerned. 

The blond saw it and tried to calm him down. “From fieldwork. I...I know I scared you guys. And maybe I’m just not ready to get back in there yet. But I can still help. From here at the office.” 

“You sure?” 

“Honestly? No. But it might be better in the long run if I take this route.” 

“Alright.” Adam relented before adding. “But I mean it, Danny. If you need anything from me, I’m just a phone call away.”

Danny tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he wasn’t sure it reached his eyes. “I know. Thanks, Adam.” 

* * *

Grace visited a lot more now. Any chance she got, she came to visit and spend as much time as she could with Danny and Charlie. 

“You know...it wouldn’t be _that_ lame if you were to move to LA to be closer to me.” She told him out of the blue. 

Though he wasn’t very surprised by it. She hadn’t been pleased at all at hearing he’d been hurt badly. And less pleased at knowing that Steve didn’t stay by his side during the recovery. 

“You thinking of staying there after college?” Danny asked her quietly. Not saying no since he’s actually thought about it.

She shrugged, “I mean...it’s LA.” 

“Yeah. It is.” 

“What about moving back to Jersey? Grandma would be thrilled.” 

“What about your mom? And Charlie?” Danny inquired. 

She shrugged, “Mom will get a taste of her own medicine. If she loves Charlie enough, she’ll follow him Like you followed me.” 

“Whoa. Where did that come from?” Danny asked her with a slight frown. He knew he was cynical, and he knew she got a bit of his sarcasm, but he wasn’t sure he liked hearing that. 

“Young adulthood. I mean...What’s honestly keeping you here? Charlie and memories. If he left, you can leave too!”

Danny sighed and hugged her, “Let’s see what happens after you graduate, yeah?” 

One of the most bittersweet parts was witnessing the reaction from Grace. Like with Eric, Danny’s bond with her strengthen and grow, but he could tell that their opinion on Steve had taken a critical hit. 

* * *

Lost and still reeling, Danny nearly went back to Rachel again. Luckily, Quinn and he had talked and he let it slip. Remembering what she heard about him and Rachel, she convinced him to come out with her and Linc. Danny feared they would be around too many former military people and would be horribly reminded about Steve. He couldn’t say no to her though and ended up going. 

There had been a lot of former military people there, but he found himself having fun. In fact more than. 

He met someone. A guy. An active SEAL who wouldn’t last on the island for more than three months before he was shipped off. Was he a masochist who loved getting his heart broken? 

Maybe. 

He just wanted to see if the old saying holds true. That if he wanted to get over someone, getting under someone else worked wonders. 

He hopes that if he got from this guy, just an echo of what he wanted from Steve...maybe it would help him get over his partner. 

It takes a while, there’s a lot of angry yet passionate sex in between, but he thinks it finally starts to work. 

The SEAL has to spin up and their love story comes to an end. Danny’s horribly confused about his emotions. Not for the SEAL but about his sense of romantic love...As hard as he tried, he couldn’t seem to fall out of love with Steve. No matter how hurt he still was. 

With an obsessed desire to stop aching for Steve, Danny gets lost in a series of trysts of love affairs. 

He’s not looking for a relationship, he’s convinced he’s not cut out to be in one anymore. 

For a while, he’s able to keep it secret, but it’s not too long before the team worries and they have a small intervention with him. 

* * *

He tries to keep it together, he falls apart, he tries to pick up the pieces but he can’t figure out what’s left to work with. What he puts back together is messy. For a moment he gives up...but only for a moment. 

He’s a fighter. He’s been fighting even since before he became a cop. And he’ll keep on fighting until his last and final breath. 

Eventually...things calm down. 

Life isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t feel like he’s suffocating every time he takes a breath. 

So of course life decides to spice things up. 

Eighteen months, one week, two days after Steve left...he comes back. And not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Because this is based on discussions between RandoFando911 and I...I am trying so hard to make this my own and not have it be like a copy. I feel a little weird but I'm hoping those who are enjoying their fic will be happy to read something like it yet different. And I hope they like it too x3


End file.
